Listen While You Read
May Music	Click the link below to go to our Project Playlist page in a new window or tab (depending on your browser). The featured playlist has a load of songs with a May connection, which you can start playing, then come back to THIS tab/window and listen while you read the newsletter. How badly explained was that? CLICK ON THIS BIT

SOME RANDOMLY SELECTED 50+FA SIGNATURE QUOTES - is yours here?

Today is a great day .. tomorrow will be better!~!~!~!~!

I have never met such wonderful people until I joined Sparks.

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart" Kahlil Gibran

May You Always have LOVE to Share , HEALTH to Spare and FRIENDS that Care..

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others - Pericles

Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up.They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be!

The true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him no good.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. ~~Carol Burnett

Optimism is the foundation of courage. -Nicholas Murray Butler

I am only one, but still, I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. And, because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do what I can.

TRUMPET TIME!

A section where we can celebrate and enjoy the success stories of our Fifty Plus For All friends!

I'm going to start this off with a personal triumph, for during April I, WOMBAT37, fell below thirteen stones for the first time since I owned a set of love beads. SUG@RPANTS, ever-talented, created a sweater for her sister's dog. That's Shorty on the right there, looking a bit grumpy. Gwen (BILLIARDBOYZMOM) says - "I hit a goal! As I gained all this weight over the past year or 2 I gradually grew out of my jeans and into my hubby's, then out of HIS and into my son's. One of my main goals was to get into my OWN jeans.... even if they were my 'fat' jeans. I needed a clean pair yesterday and all I found were my fat jeans so thought.... what the heck.... let's just see.... I Got them ON and BUTTONED!!!!!!! They cut a little into my stomach when I sat down but not in 'other' places and I felt soooooo good!". YOSOYLINDA (Linda, of course), can relate - "I haven't lost weight all that fast, but I keep going down sizes, so that keeps me motivated. A few months ago, for example, I was all stoked that I got a pair of Size 12 dress pants; last week, I put them in the donation bag for Goodwill (too baggy to look good.)"
BETTY925 finally got on the treadmill after fighting it for weeks. Now she just has to keep it up! Go Betty! Janice (FLASUN) finally started losing after a long time waiting to see any weight come off, and thinks she might finally be on her way down! Helen (HELENGMORRIS) deserves a toot for walking 3 miles for 2 days in a row.

A BIG FAT WELL DONE TO ALL OF US!

	Birthstone for May - EMERALD May Flower - LILY OF THE VALLEY "Who first beholds the light of day In spring's sweet, flower month of May And wears an Emerald all her life Shall be a loved and a loving wife." Emeralds are associated with loyalty, faithfulness and friendship, and are reputed to be effective for health problems relating to the eyes, fertility, the spine and headaches. The Emerald is also used to enhance mental capabilities. Emeralds are found mainly in Colombia, Brazil, Zambia and Zimbabwe. The traditional colour associated with the Emerald is a deep green, and it was strongly favoured as a popular gem in Victorian jewelry. The word Emerald is derived from the Greek word "Smaragdos" which means "green stone". Tis a variety of beryl (beryllium aluminum silicate) that has been cut and polished, and by weight is the most valuable gemstone in the world. The crystal structure of the emerald is hexagonal. Elements of chromium in the crystal produce the color, whilst inclusions in the stone create what is called the jardin, or garden, of the emerald. Convallaria majalis, commonly known as the Lily of the Valley. The flower is also known as Our Lady's Tears since, according to Christian legend, the tears Mary shed at the cross turned to Lilies of the Valley. According to another legend, Lilies of the Valley also sprang from the blood of St. George during his battle with the dragon. Other names include May Lily, May Bells, Lily Constancy, Ladder-to-Heaven, Male Lily and Muguet. Traditionally, Lily of the Valley is sold in the streets of France on May 1. It became the national flower of Finland in 1982. The Norwegian municipality Lunner has a Lily of the Valley in its coat-of-arms. The name "Lily of the Valley" is also used in some English translations of the Bible in Song of Songs 2:1, although whether the Hebrew word "shoshana" (usually denoting a rose) originally used there refers to this species or not is uncertain. The meaning of this flower is "You will find Happiness."

LET THEM EAT CAKE ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ birthdays by Ellen

Hope all is well with you! Here are the birthdays coming up in May! I did try to check and see if everyone here is still on the team, but was hard to go through all the members to find them! We have a lot of members now!! So, here are the May babies~~~~~

Cat face-3rd
JONESDEB (Deb)-5th
OHIOMOM (Dot)-6th
GOHEALTHY3 (Shelia)-11th
JAGUAR7-13th
LHLADY517 (Rebecca)-17th
BILLIARDBOYZMOM (Gwen)-18th
CONNIEVA-22nd
WMW613 (Marie)-27th
HEALTHYDESIRE-28th

Many happy returns to all of you.

	ANNIVERSARIES AMELLIA (Amellia) - May 6, 2007 joined SparkPeople thereby proving what a wise woman she is. LUCYVLH (Viv, who left us but still occasionaklly lurks, I believe... hi, Viv!) - May 15, 2008 Married 37 years AND May 26, 2006 Joined SparkPeople. HRDWLBY - May 31, 2007 Retired to a life of leisure and having grapes peeled for her. OUR CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU ALL!

The Diets That Time Forgot

(this article is based, and in most cases completely stolen, from the UK Channel 4 documentary series of the same name)

Just look at that happy chappie on the right there! That's William Banting, and by the time he retired from the family undertakers business in 1862, he weighed fourteen and a half stone (203 pounds, 92kg) and at just 5ft 5in (163cm) was seriously overweight. Due to his size he was unable to bend over to tie his own shoes, had to walk down stairs backwards to relieve the pressure on his knee joints and wore a bulky truss to support an umbilical rupture. Banting tried to lose weight by rowing and riding, but failed. When Banting consulted well-known ear surgeon, William Harvey, the latter said that Banting's deafness was being caused by fat deposits in his throat pressing on his eustachian tubes (Ew!). Harvey prescribed a weight-loss diet which cut out bread, butter, milk, sugar, beer and potatoes (This was based on the work of Dr Claude Bernard). Historically it had been thought that body fat was formed directly from dietary fat alone, but Bernard discovered that the liver itself makes glucose and stores it as glycogen. Bernard's new diabetes diet excluded glucose-producing foods - starches and sugars - as well as fats.
Harvey believed that Bernard's principles could be used to reduce corpulence as well as to treat diabetes. The diet worked, and in under a year Banting lost 46lb, he could walk down the stairs normally, no longer needed his truss and his sight and hearing improved.
With evangelical zeal Banting set out to share the secret of his success by publishing the short pamphlet, 'A Letter On Corpulence'. In it, Banting presented obesity as a great social ill: "Of all the parasites that affect humanity I do not know of, nor can I imagine, any more distressing than that of obesity." He described how since childhood he had feared becoming fat and the sneers and taunts that obese people suffer in public spaces. Banting's diet was as much an attempt to escape this social stigma and conform to Victorian expectations of what a normal body should be, than to improve health. The pamphlet sold over 63,000 copies worldwide and gave rise to the term Bantingism as well as the phrase 'Do you Bant?' So embarrassed was Banting at having made money out of the misery of others, he donated all his proceeds to charities for the poor. Hurray for Banting!

Now this guy looks much more serious. This is Horace Fletcher - 'The Great Masticator'. He led a life of adventure, going to sea on a whaler at 15, training sharpshooters for the Japanese army, managing a New Orleans opera company, and sailing with a crew of Chinese pirates amongst other things. He made his fortune in San Francisco as a manufacturer of printing ink and an importer of Japanese art. By the age of 40, at 5ft 6in (165cm) he weighed 15st 7lb (98kg) and was being turned down for life insurance by companies who had begun to make the link between obesity and morbidity. With a belief that nature didn't make mistakes, and that proper nutrition was vital to well-being, Fletcher elaborated the idea that all bodily weakness resulted from the improper treatment of food while in the mouth, or the "three inches of personal responsibility" as he referred to it. Taste was the ultimate guide to 'Fletcherism'. Food should be retained in the mouth and chewed until all trace of flavour had been extracted. In most cases this would be 100 chews or fewer, but a shallot might require 700! Any food which could not be liquefied was to be spat out, as this evidenced the ability of the body to distinguish between nutritious and non-nutritious matter. Fletcher also believed that lower mass and reduced frequency of defecation was evidence of the efficiency of the 'food filter'. He himself claimed to produce faeces only once every one to two weeks, and always in small quantities. He declared them "no more offensive than moist clay" with "no more odour than a hot biscuit". To prove his point he carried a sample with him. He was also tested by the professor of physical education at Yale at the age of 54 and 58, where he reputedly performed with ease the exercises required of university athletes and undergraduates. One nutritionist described him as a "physiological puzzle". He himself put his condition down to the elimination of "putrid decomposition" from his alimentary tract. Fletcher's new diet was a success. He spoke and wrote to raise its profile and by 1910 Fletcherism had gained some high profile followers, including John D Rockerfeller, Franz Kafka and Henry James, who referred to him as 'the divine Fletcher'. The fad was also enthusiastically adopted in England, where 'munching parties' were run by the stopwatch to ensure that guests spent five minutes chewing each morsel. Unusually for a dietary fad, Fletcherism was well received by the British medical community, with the editors of The Lancet commenting: "a more generally beneficial doctrine could hardly be chosen for the medical idol of the moment". As well as weight loss, Fletcher also made claims for the social and military applications of his techiques. He sponsored an experiment with Chicago tramps into disease prevention, and he also ran the Kindergarten of Vital Economics in a poor New York neighbourhood, where teaching of the 3Rs was supplemented by the 3Ms - Munching, Manners and Music. He even approached the British army during the Boer war and suggested that super-mastication should be tried in South Africa, where rations could be reduced by one third. The War Office declined for political reasons. Following experiments in the American and French army, in 1910 the Royal Army Medical Corps conducted a trial based on Fletcher's ideas, but found that troops required more calories than were provided by the reduced rations and reported that all the men on the trial lost weight.

Dr Lulu Hunt Peters was born in Maine, but made her home in California, where she got her M.D. in 1909. Even as a child her weight was a problem and she was always being told that she would outgrow her fatness, but as a grownup she reached 15 stone 10lb (100kg). At her heaviest she felt that she should refund the "comfortable salary received as superintendent of a hospital; for I know I was only sixty five per cent efficient, for efficiency decreases in direct proportion as excess weight increases." For the Episcopalian Peters the calorie was the new route to salvation. She told her readers, "hereafter you are going to eat calories of food. Instead of saying one slice of bread, or a piece of pie, you will say 100 calories of bread, 350 calories of pie." She declared: "How anyone can want to be anything but thin is beyond my intelligence - if there is anything comparable to the joy of taking in your clothes I have not experienced it." For Peters, dieting demanded control and vigilance. It was also a lifelong commitment and a virtue, which she ranked alongside being kind, being tender, reading, studying and loving. For Peters weight control was the new morality and being overweight was a sign of moral weakness. Writing during wartime, she metaphorically linked the crime of hoarding food in war to the way many Americans were hoarding food "in their own anatomy." She declared: "Food Will Win the War. WATCH OUR WEIGHT!" She was highly patriotic proposing the formation of "Watch Your Weight Anti-Kaiser Classes" where members would weigh themselves on an official scale. Those who had not lost weight were fined with the proceeds going to the Red Cross. Peters' writing is relentlessly upbeat and chatty, full of jokey asides and littered with references to characters with pseudonyms such as Ima Gobbler and Mrs Knott Little, all of whom she claims "are friends of mine", adding "perhaps you had better substitute were for are". Satisfied readers are supplied with forms on which to write testimonials in support of her diet. During the 1920s she became the best known and best loved female physician in America through her syndicated newspaper columns, with titles like 'A disgrace to be fat', in which she emphasized that three out of four adult Americans were disgracefully overweight. Following the success of 'Diet and Health' she went on to publish the first calorie-counting book explicitly for children - 'Diet for Children (and Adults)' and the 'Kalorie Kids'. She explained that having been an overweight child herself she knew "that there is genuine mental suffering in being an obese child."

	wombat's little bit Welcome new friends! ... or MEN'S CORNER, as we usually know it. Since this section is meant to be about men's things, that's exactly what I'm going to talk about - men's things. First though, a test, because I don't want anyone to be offended. Take a look at the photograph of a tomato, top right. The one with the, erm, protruberance and a nice hibiscus behind it. If it shocks or upsets you in any way, you should probably not read on! So, for those of you that are still with me, the issue concerning the unfairer sex (men) this month is "Is penis size affected by obesity?" Lots of obese men are really embarrassed about the size of their 'best friend'. Many even think about enlargement options (I expect - I mean, I haven't done a survey or anything. You don't go up to strangers in the street and ask if they want their willies making bigger, do you? That's a good way to find yourself waking up with a crowd around you. And yes, I'm aware that this bit is still in brackets and you've probably forgotten the thrust of my article by now, but trust me, you'll soon pick it up again. Oh look, here comes the closing bracket now). I can tell you now that the definite answer to our question is YES. Erm, and NO. OK - let me explain. Obesity doesn't make the penis shrink, and obese men enjoy the same sort of lengths as any other men. You can tell there's a "but" on the way, can't you? Here it comes now... BUT obesity can make a willy LOOK much smaller than normal. Firstly, the same size willy will look more insignificant in relation to a huge body size than a more normal shaped torso. I've read that some bodybuilders complain about the same optical illusion! Secondly, fat men develop a pad of fat at the base of John Thomas. When John is sleepy, it can retract into this fat pad. Mr. Thomas can be further hidden by pubic hair. Men who are waaaay overweight might not even be able to see their appendages without the aid of a mirror. Penis enlargement is not necessary. A visual improvement can be made almost at once, as long as the man is very very careful with the scissors, by trimming the pubic hair. The more artistic man can amuse his partner by attempting different styles, such as the Tony Curtis or the Stewart Grainger. Rather more scarily, liposuction of the fat pad can also make quite a difference to the perceived penis size. "What's the best solution, Wombat?" I hear you cry. And my response is - the best solution is effective, sustained weight loss. Not only will weight loss ease concerns about obesity and penis size, but in addition the man will start feeling healthier and more positive about himself. I'm not embarrassed to tell you that my own experience is that the old Jolly Todger seems much, erm, longer since I lost 70 pounds. And now I feel a new motto coming on - "SPARKPEOPLE - good for you, good for your penis" I know it feels as if Gwen's been our friend forever, so lively is she, but BILLIARDBOYZMOM (for it is she) joined the team on April 1st. She says she is a SAH mom, but since I have no idea what that is, I'll keep my smartarse comments to myself. Another member who has quickly seemed right at home with us is THENEWJOSIE, who has been a single mom all but 5 months of her daughter's 19 years. Yikes, she must be knackered. DGOOCK is a chap, thank heavens, and has always had a relatively good exercise program, but had no idea how to eat right. So for him the nutrition planner has been GREAT! We have an old hippie in our midsts in CHAVA51, who has lovely cats. CINDYSUE11 is really optimistic that SP could be just the help & support she's been looking for. Lets hope so too! LOVETOLEARN1 is 5'1" but loves to eat like a tall person. I'm curious - just how DOES a tall person eat? Sherry (SHERRY666) gained 45-50lbs after surgery, and is now finding it hard to get off. She says she lives in a small town, and has no friends, so would like to meet some on SP. We'll be your friends, Sherry! Joyce (VANPELT) is actually called Zippy by her friends. I dread to think why. DEBBITOO (Debbi) lives in Oregon and is married to a wonderful guy who shares her love for food. Luckily, he also shares her desire for change. :) TAKEABREATH joined SP not so much because of the weight she needs to lose (which isn't much), but to help her remember to get the regular exercise her body needs. LINDANN2 loves all kinds of crafts. She is learning to quilt, and has made 2 so far. Ray (RAYCAR) is retired from the air force, and is now an over the road truck driver. He can only be on the computer on weekends right now as he is gone during the week. Hurray for another male! KARENEARLL01 loves to go to the beach, mountainsand hike with her husband and dog! STORYTELLER60 likes reading books, Real life situations and the Harry Potter Series, watching chic flicks, and is a romantic at heart (just like old softie Wombat). She enjoys crocheting, sodoku, fishing, camping and spending time with her family. JANNERUN is a member of Gold's gym and has been going to body pump classes, cycling classes, and body attack. She has also run a marathon & some half marathons. Crikey, I feel well tired now. Dolly, get the baby oil! I also had notifications that these good people had also joined, but I can't tell you a lot about them as I can't find Sparkpages for them - UNIS55, CAROLYN6943, MARYC1, ARTSMART1, SROCH3032, LIZZZYROSE, AMHOYT

SOME RANDOM STUFF ABOUT THE MONTH OF MAY

The picture accompanying this article is May Time by Jenny Graham. Click the picture to visit her website.

In Japan, there is a so-called 'May sickness', where new students or workers start to be tired of their new schoolwork or jobs. (In Japan schoolyears and fiscal years start on April 1st.)

In any given year, no other month starts on the same day of the week as May. The same is true for June.

"But I must gather knots of flowers,
And buds and garlands gay,
For I'm to be Queen o' the May, mother,
I'm to be Queen o' the May.' - Alfred Lord Tennyson

The name for the month of 'May' has been believed to derive from 'Maia', who was revered as the Roman 'Goddess of Springtime, of Growth and Increase', and the mother of 'Mercury', the winged messenger of the Gods. This is not certain, though, as before these deities the name 'Maius' or 'Magius', taken from the root 'Mag' (meaning the 'Growing month' or 'Shooting month') was used. May has also been known as: 'Thrimilce' (Cows go to milking three times a day)
by the Anglo-Saxons, and 'Bloumaand' (Blossoming month) in Old Dutch.

As part of the seasonal calendar May is the time of the 'Hare Moon' according to Pagan belief and the period described as the 'Moon of the Shedding Ponies' by Black Elk (Black Elk Speaks, Neihardt). This is the first month of 'Beltaine' (May - July) within the Celtic calendar, the onset of summer. It was the traditional practice of shepherds to follow and stay with the flock when out to pasture, this being known as transhumance. This is one example of how daily life was closely tied to that of the animal and the earth, an awareness of the balance and harmony needed of man and nature, something today we are desperately trying to save. In ancient times such practice would daily remind the people of the Creation myths, the power of evil, the potential of its destruction, hence their folklore is full of such references. In pagan beliefs man believed himself to be the guardian of nature, perhaps this is one reason why today we also see the close bond between the so called green movement and the knowledge, rituals and beliefs of pre-Christian practice, further connections being made with what is known as the new age movement.

This period has also been associated in the Christian church with St John, the Evangelist, or 'John' in the Celtic church (6 May) who describes this month as having the longest days, indicating that light has triumphed over darkness, positive over negative, life over death. The symbol of the eagle is given to St John, emphasising the need for a keen eye and sharp awareness, an eye that does not stray from the task.
Surprisingly perhaps May was believed generally to be an unlucky month which may be linked to the possibility of failure. This belief is thought to be of ancient origin as it was known to be the best time to plant and sow for the next year. It was a time when all spare hands were expected to work the land with no time for personal celebrations and/or courting. It was a time when the food supplies for the rest of the seasonal year were sown and therefore the health of the community depended upon it. An old country (UK) rhyme is 'Marry in May and rue the day!'. Perhaps then quite naturally it was also believed by many rural communities that a baby born in May would always be sickly. It was traditionally believed that any cats born in this month would not be good rat or mice catchers.

	SPARKIE on the STREET ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ by KIM Every month, our intrepid roving reporter, KIM, asks members of Fifty Plus For All their views on a variety of questions. This month... This month's question posed to members was: "Why do you think SparkPeople works for you?" AMELLIA makes a date with her computer every night (be quiet, Wombat): "Spark works for me as my DH works nights, so when I get home, I am on my own. I cook my evening meal, then I quickly tidy around. I then make a fresh drink and open bookmark to Sparks. I have some great friends, also great teams, this by far being my favourite team. Without this Spark team, I would be very lonely in the evening. Thank you, all my Spark friends" (Amellia, you are MORE than welcome.) NANASAN (Sandy) believes SP keeps her accountable, and she has more to say: "Even though I'm sitting at a plateau right now, I know I'd be out of control without SP tools. The real incentive is hearing everyone has the same issues and it's a great way to learn from each other. We support and praise each other, and everyone knows you get more flies with honey than vinegar! We ALL need a pat on the back now and then. This truly is like a family. We don't always agree, but we always love each other!" (I have to report WOMBAT's comment about this - he said "Who's Pat?") And now a word from Janine in South Dakota (JANINEINSD): "I am here because it takes a 'Spark to get a fire going!' - the motivation, encouragement and understanding that comes from the wonderful people I have met on this team keep me focused and working hard to get healthy and fit. I want to succeed and I know I can do it! The fantastic support given to me brings happiness to the experience." (Janine, the feeling's mutual.) ELLENE1955 agrees with Janine about the support and understanding and adds: "No one here judges you. You are able to share anything, good or bad. We all seem to have so much in common. It is wonderful to be able to just be yourself, and be accepted for that." (Amen to that, Ellen.) Sharyn, a.k.a. SUG@RPANTS loves the virtual friendships: "I like the sociability of the site. There have been so many great friendships made here that is always a fantastic supportive factor when trying to battle the bulge." (Sharyn and I are great buddies; she made me two beautiful knit winter caps for my niece's little boys, and sent them to me all the way from Australia!) UMUCGRAD says SP works for her because it is so all-encompassing. It's one-stop shopping because it's all here - exercise, food journalling, information, support community, fun and games. It's a great motivating and accountability system. (And when you get to the check-out, you don't even have to get your credit card out because SparkPeople is FREE!) HENRYSMOM0215 wrote: "I'm running late so i'll just keep it short; Sparkpeople has given me the best friends in the world which is even more important than weight lost. MOTIVATION is what I keep coming back here for. It works....di" Thank you, SparkFriends, for your awesome participation! Stay tuned for June's "Sparkie on the Street" question which you'll find on a thread toward the end of May! And remember.... if you have any suggestions as to a question you would like polling, let Kim or any member of the editorial team know.

RECIPE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ by Susan

Hi, Sparkfriends! I can't stop drooling over what I've found for my recipes this month. Hope you all enjoy making and eating them:

CALYPSO SHRIMP WITH BEAN SALSA

Calypso Shrimp Ingredients:

1/2 teaspoon Grated Orange Peel
1 Tablespoon Orange Juice
1 Tablespoon Vegetable Oil
1 1/2 teaspoons Fresh Thyme, chopped or
1/2 teaspoon Dried Thyme Leaves
1 Garlic Clove, finely chopped
3/4 pound Raw Medium Shrimp, peeled & deveined

Bean Salsa Ingredients:

1 (15 ounce) can Black Beans, rinsed and drained
1 Medium Mango, peeled and chopped (about 1 cup)
1 Small Red Bell Pepper, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
1/4 cup Sliced Green Onions
2 Tablespoons Orange Juice
1 Tablespoon Red Wine Vinegar
1/2 teaspoon Grated Orange Peel

Prepare the Bean Salsa and set aside. Mix Calypso Shrimp ingredients except the shrimp in medium bowl. Stir in the shrimp. Spray a 10 inch non-stick skillet with non-stick cooking spray. Heat over medium-high heat. Cook the shrimp mixture in the skillet, turning the shrimp once, until pink. Place fresh salad greens on 4 plates and place salsa on top of the greens. Arrange Calypso Shrimp on top of the salsa. This can be served yellow rice on the side if you like.

Nutritional Information:

262 Calories; 6g Fat (20.5% calories from fat); 24 g Protein; 28g Carbohydrate; 8g Dietary Figer; 129mg Cholesterol; 456mg Sodium.

And this is a great dessert to follow up the Calypso Shrimp with Bean Salsa -
SUMMER BERRIES WITH YOGURT-CITRUS SAUCE

Ingredients:
Raspberries, Blackberries, Blueberries, Strawberries, Green Grapes
Butter or Sugar Cookie (optional)

Sauce Ingredients:
1 cup Fat Free Plain Yogurt
1/4 cup Honey
1 teaspoons Lemon Juice, fresh squeezed
2 teaspoons Lime juice, fresh squeezed
1/2 teaspoon Lemon Peel, finely shredded
1/2 teaspoon Lime Peel, finely shredded

Divide the fruit between 4 goblets or parfait glasses. Spoon sauce over each and, if you wish, garnish with the cookie.

Nutritional Information: 104 Calories; 2g Fat (16.3% calories from fat); 2g Protein; 21g Carbohydrate; trace Dietary Fiber; 8mg Cholesterol; 29mg Sodium.

	ELLEN'S MAY FACTOIDS YOUR CALENDAR FOR MAY Here is a quote I found about May - "Then came fair May, the fairest maid on ground, Deck'd all with dainties of the season's pride, And throwing flowers out of her lap around." - Edmund Spenser Astrological signs - Taurus: April 21-May 21, Gemini: May 22-June 21 The Sun is now in Taurus (2008 dates: 16:51 GMT 19 April - 16:01 GMT 20 May) (Taurus) can quite happily remain the unseen power behind the scenes: the investor, the accountant, the one who keeps the business running without getting the public laurels. Taurus is realistic enough to know that you can't eat laurels, and they won't fix a leaky roof. 1 Beltane 4 Remembrance of the Dead 5 Cinco de Mayo 8 VE Day (Western Europe) 11 Mothers Day (USA) 17 Armed Forces Day (USA) 19 Victoria Day (Canada) 25 Towel Day 26 Spring Holiday (UK) 26 Memorial Day (USA) For the Celts, Beltane marked the beginning of the pastoral summer season when the herds of livestock were driven out to the summer pastures and mountain grazing lands. In modern Irish, Mí na Bealtaine ('month of Bealtaine') is the name for the month of May. The name of the month is often abbreviated to Bealtaine, with the festival day itself being known as Lá Bealtaine. Towel Day is celebrated as a tribute by fans of the late author Douglas Adams. On this day, fans carry a towel with them during the day to demonstrate their mourning of the author. So long, Douglas, and thanks for all the fish.

	THE ETIQUETTE OF FLATULENCE ~~~~~~~~~~~ by Le Petomane 'Allo, mes petite choux! C'est moi, Le Petomane extraordinaire! Monsieur Wambot, alzeau a vairy nasty bete comme d'habitude, 'as invited moi to, er, 'ow you say... contribute. Aujourd hui, I weel tell to you all zere is to know about ze Etiquette of ze Farting. Dans les middle ages, loudly breaking ze wind was an act of appreciation for ze housewife: Martin Luther heemself said "Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket?" ('Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal?'). Zis rule of behaviour 'as now been sadly abandoned, et le gas eez to be released only after having left ze maison. 'Ere are some ozair points you must politely observe about ze breaking of ze wind. Ze obnoxious Wambot inseests on trying to 'tidy up' ma magnifique accent Francais. Il est un imbécile smelly. Eef you are a real gentleman, comme moi, and realise zat a laydee 'ad some petit misfortune, zen you are supposed to plead guilty ze place of her, et make un excuse of yourself. Eef you cannot blame le chien (er... ze dog), because zere are not any around, you may attempt an embarrassed look at ze nearest of your companions. Mais, tout le monde knows of zees trick, and it eez extremely likely to fail. Ze same is true for raising your volume while speaking, or to moving your chair in an attempt to cover ze sound. Pretending zat you are innocent may 'elp, mais only if you manage to keep yourself from asking les questions comme 'Oh, 'oo did zat?'. Parce-que tout le monde knows zat 'ooever smelt it, dealt it, or 'ooever denied it, supplied it. Les farts can bring more excitement into ze wedlock eef administered dans un Dutch Oven: zees is where one partner emits un windypop, zen pulls ze duvet over ze 'ead of zeir loved one, trapping zem in a confusion of methane, while shouting triumphantly, 'Dutch oven! Dutch oven!' Ze captive will wriggle like un eel! Ze captor will zen nearly die of laughing, and all will end up in tres tres boisterous play fighting and zen, l'amour. Naturellement, zees is all in questionable taste. Passing ze trouser-cough in un lift is strongly advised against. Zere is no way for ze victims to escape or open un fenetre - a window - and revenge may follow immediately. It is wise to stay clear of suspect food a long time before les occasions important, such as a job interview, ze dancing, receiving a Nobel prize, or asking your laydeefriend ze 'big' question, or even asking 'er to marry you. You know what is about to occur if some silly person stretches out zeir 'and to you and asks you to pull zeir finger! Zere is danger ahead! Do not do eet! Do not! If all ze excuses fail et everyone is staring at you, you may attempt to emulate ze admirable Petomane! Try to turn ze aromatic wrongdoing into an accomplishment. Put on ze proud face! Declare ze parp as an achievement! Challenge your companions to beat you wiz an even louder one! Eef you feel more gasses approaching, you may even attempt a leetle tune! But be prepared for a reply along ze lines of 'Pray for your soul, srinky Frenchman, for your body is already rotten.'

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